Genesis 20

This chapter starts out with a sudden change of pace. We leave behind father-raping daughters and head back to Abraham, who has apparently decided to move. There is no reason given for this—perhaps his former home was downwind of Sodom and Gomorrah and was getting a bit ashy with bits of the unrighteous? So Abraham goes to Gerar, and he decides to pull off the Sarah-is-my-sister trick again. Because it worked so well the last time?

So the king (Abimelech) takes Sarah. I guess she is still unnaturally beautiful? Even though she's post-menopausal? I guess King Abimelech doesn't have a lot of nubile young women running around if he's going after the 90+ female demographic. And once again, the king is going to be punished for this, as god appears to him in a dream and says that she is a married woman.

This king, at least, stands up for himself and points out that Abraham and Sarah lied to him, so this really isn't his fault. And god is like "Yeah, I know, but I kept you from sinning, now give her back or die." God doesn't appear to be in any way upset with Abraham for perpetuating this stupid lie, but Abimelech sure is. He calls Abraham and basically asks wtf and demands to know why Abraham was doing this. Abraham says it is because he thought that no one there had enough respect of god to not kill him and steal his wife (instead they just steal his "sister"). Plus Sarah is actually Abraham's half-sister (they have the same father—ew), so he's not really lying, okay, guys?

So King Abimelech gives back not only Sarah but also sheep, oxen, silver, and slaves (yup, slavery is still totally cool) and also gives Abraham permission to settle on the land wherever he wants. Basically Abraham and Sarah are just a good old-fashioned con-artist couple. After all of this tribute, Abraham prays to god to heal Abimelech and his household because, oh by the way, god had made all the women (even the female slaves) barren because of the whole Sarah thing.

The immaturity on display here is quite astounding. It's hard to fathom that these people are supposed to be a respected prophet and his family, approaching 100 years of age, and still running around doing shit like this. And god is demonstrated to be a favorites-playing, spiteful creature. With a dash of incest and slavery, it's an all-around disgraceful outing.