tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53839497770527368442024-03-13T10:22:30.373-07:00A Skeptic Bible StudyA journey through the bible from Genesis to Revelation, taking a critical look at everything.Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-63935994893288064252014-07-16T00:22:00.001-07:002014-07-16T00:22:29.202-07:00Genesis 24I'll be honest, I've been delaying this post because this chapter is just so damn long. But it must be done! Besides, there are some gems in this one.<br />
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Right off the bat, Abraham is demanding an oath from his servant that requires the servant to put his hand under Abraham's thigh. I thought that was weird to begin with, but when I went to try to find the origins of that symbolism, I found that it might actually be <a href="http://www.gotquestions.org/hand-under-thigh.html" target="_blank">swearing by Abraham's testicles</a>. Just imagine the face I am making right now (Abraham is "advanced in years" at this point, too).<br />
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Anyway, the oath that Abraham wants is that Isaac won't have to marry a nasty Canaanite. Because even though Abraham is totally okay with stealing all of their land, he definitely would not be okay with one as an in-law. So he sends his servant back to their home land to find a wife for Isaac.<br />
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The servant apparently has no idea where to start, because he takes some camels to a well and tells god that he is just going to consider whichever girl offers to water the camels The One. Funny how people in the OT get to pray like that, but nowadays it's all "god works in mysterious ways." Seems like a really shitty way to choose your master's new wife, but what do I know.<br />
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So Rebekah, who is incidentally Abraham's brother's granddaughter and therefore Isaac's cousin once removed, is the lucky girl. Also fair to look on and a virgin (cause god would never saddle Isaac with an ugly slut, obviously). She waters the camels, so the servant gives her money and bracelets and asks if he can stay at her father's house. Rebekah is happy to offer, and her brother, Laban, prepares a place and welcomes the servant to stay. It specifically says he does this "as soon as he had seen the" gifts given to Rebekah. Seems a bit materialist but sure. Now the servant tells the whole story that we've just read to Laban (part of the reason this chapter is so damn long, and it bothers me as a writer because it's poor storytelling).<br />
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Laban and Bethuel (their father) immediately agree that it is clear god has chosen Rebekah for Isaac. The cynical side of me wants to say this has far more to do with the evident wealth and prosperity of Abraham's family than any true devotion on their part. Women are best used to turn a quick profit, amirite? The servant gives them more presents and wants to take Rebekah right away. Rebekah's mother does want her to stay for a few more days, but the servant insists. Surprisingly, Rebekah's mother and brother say that it is up to Rebekah. That's something, at least!<br />
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Rebekah chooses to leave with the servant, and she gets a blessing and takes some maids and goes. They travel to Negeb, where Isaac lives, and when Rebekah sees him in the field she veils herself and goes to him. Isaac takes her into his <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2014/07/genesis-23.html" target="_blank">dead mother</a>'s tent. He "takes" Rebekah, she becomes his wife, and he loves her (interesting order there). And this helps him get over Sarah dying, which is actually one of the more reasonable things about this whole thing.<br />
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This is Genesis's idea of a love story, and honestly it could be a lot worse. Rebekah is given just a smidgen of agency, Isaac seems to be kind, and only one guy had to touch wrinkly old man balls.<br />
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Until next time!Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-80623531381949229632014-07-02T00:42:00.001-07:002014-07-02T00:42:24.349-07:00Genesis 23After the excitement of the last chapter—unquestioning child slaughter!—this one is a bit of a come down. And a downer.<br />
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The entire chapter is only about the death and burial of Sarah. Although, somewhat predictably, it seems way more focused on Abraham.<br />
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Sarah dies (aged 127), and Abraham needs somewhere to bury her. Since he is still a stranger, he doesn't have anywhere to bury her. I'm not sure how he ended up surrounded by Hittites, since last we heard he was cozy<a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2014/06/genesis-21.html" target="_blank"> amongst the Philistines</a>, but that's where he seems to be now. Anyway, he pleads for a place to bury Sarah. The Hittites are all in awe of him (they call him "my lord" and "mighty prince") and offer him the choicest of their burial places.<br />
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Abraham decides he wants a certain cave of Machpelah, owned by Ephron, and declares that he will pay full price for it. Ephron hears this and says that he will give Abraham not just the cave but the whole damn field for free. Abraham insists on paying a fair price. Ephron insists that the field is only worth 400 shekels and is a trivial matter. Abraham pays the 400 shekels and buries Sarah in the cave.<br />
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Yes, that's really all that happens in this chapter. It's astonishingly pointless. I guess it's a good story about doing fair business and not taking advantage of the bereaved? There are certainly some people today who do that. If only we could all be a little more like Ephron.Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-72910746855675855902014-06-18T00:18:00.003-07:002014-06-18T00:23:24.306-07:00Genesis 22Here we go, the infamous tale of the faux-sacrifice of Isaac.<br />
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This starts out because god decides to test Abraham. It doesn't give a reason, and it seems like Abraham and god have been on the same wavelength so far, so it seems a little out of the blue. God starts his test by telling Abraham to take his "only son Isaac." Um, <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2014/06/genesis-21.html" target="_blank">Ishmael</a>? He hasn't ceased to exist. Anyway. God says for Abraham to take Isaac and offer him as a burnt offering in Moriah.<br />
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Abraham asks literally <i>no questions</i> about this. He just gets up and takes Isaac and goes. That is so unbelievably fucked up. If you heard someone was going to kill their child based on voices in their head, that wouldn't alarm you? This, in fact, <a href="http://www.charismanews.com/us/44068-woman-allegedly-kills-2-year-old-after-hearing-sermon-on-abraham-sacrificing-isaac" target="_blank">has happened</a> based on people being told this myth is real. It is tragic and terrible and this does nothing for god to earn my respect. Besides, isn't god omniscient enough to know that Abraham is obedient or not without devising horrible, child-endangering tests? God is like a jealous girlfriend creating fake facebook profiles.</div>
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But Abraham thinks this is totally fine and goes to the place god told him to. He leaves his servants and takes Isaac and some wood for the burning. Isaac still doesn't know what's coming to him, and he asks why they haven't brought an animal to sacrifice. Abraham sidesteps having to tell his son that he is going to murder him by saying that god will provide. But then they get there and Abraham ties up Isaac and places him on the altar. No mention is made if Isaac resists. I think I would! Then, of course, when Abraham takes the knife to his soon, an angel appears and is all "No no no, don't hurt him! You passed the test!" and a convenient ram is provided.</div>
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Then god is happy and says that since Abraham didn't hold back his "only son" (sorry, Ishy), Abraham's offspring will be crazy numerous and prosperous. Except of course, god had <i>already made this promise</i>. Four times, in fact, by my count (Genesis 12, 13, 15, and 17). So this entire exchange was entirely pointless except for an extremely emotionally stressful event for Abraham and Isaac. Honestly, is there any way that Isaac doesn't emerge from this with serious issues? "Hey, Dad, remember that time you were going to kill me and burn me, no questions asked? Good thing god was just kidding!"</div>
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That is one fucked up story. And from what I remember from church and Sunday school, this is a very popular story and often used as a teaching point for trust in god. I do recall being distinctly uncomfortable that my parents would ever consider doing such a thing to me. Wouldn't you rather go to hell than kill your own child? Yeesh.</div>
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And last but not least, we get a quick bit of genealogy tagged on at the end. It lists the eight children that Abraham's brother has by his wife (including the father of Rebekah, who will appear later). It then lists the four children Abraham's brother has by his concubine. Cause, you know, traditional marriage.</div>
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What a depressing chapter of Genesis. God comes off worse than your crazy ex-girlfriend here, Abraham is a psychotic and possibly worst father ever at this point, and marital fidelity is for chumps.</div>
Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-44919814954615565182014-06-12T13:19:00.000-07:002014-06-12T13:19:22.241-07:00Genesis 21So god finally makes good on his promise that Sarah will bear a son to Abraham, even though Abraham is 100 years old at this point. The little baby boy, Isaac, is duly circumcised. Understandably, Sarah is thrilled that after all this time she finally has the baby that she wanted.<br />
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What happens next is a little less understandable (well, perhaps <i>understandable</i> but certainly not <i>justifiable</i>). She sees Hagar's son, <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2013/08/genesis-16.html" target="_blank">Ishmael</a>, playing with Isaac, and Sarah decides she wants both Hagar and Ishmael kicked out so as not to imperial Isaac's inheritance. Considering the whole plan with Hagar was Sarah's idea in the first place, this seems especially cruel.<br />
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Abraham is reluctant—Ishmael is as much his son as Isaac is—but god tells him that it will be okay, because Isaac is the one that god will use to fulfill all his covenants about the multitude of offspring. God does relieve a bit of Abraham's worry by agreeing to also give Ishmael a nation of descendants, so Abraham gives Hagar some bread and water and boots her and Ishmael out.<br />
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Hagar wanders around in the wilderness around Beersheba until her water runs out. Which was pretty inevitable because <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beersheba" target="_blank">it's a freaking desert</a>. Reasoning the likely end of this, she sets Ishmael under a bush and walks away so she won't have to watch her son die. While she is crying over all this, god sends an angel to tell her that he heard the cries of her and her son, and that he will make a great nation from them. Then Hagar sees a well and her and Ishmael go on to be happy wilderness dwellers. Ishmael even gets an Egyptian wife. So I suppose that totally makes up for being dismissed from your home for following orders and having the father of your son abandon all responsibility for you.<br />
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Then we switch gears back to Abraham. Abimelech (yes, the one who was <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2014/05/genesis-20.html" target="_blank">tricked by the Sarah-is-my-sister routine</a>) realizes that Abraham obviously has god's favor, so he wants to make a pact that he and Abraham will treat each other loyally. Abraham thinks this is a good deal, probably because he is still an alien in the land, and so they agree. Later Abraham complains about some of Abimelech's servants seizing one of Abraham's wells, and Abimelech takes care of it when Abraham gives him some lambs (seven, an auspicious number). It's a pretty boring story, honestly, but it explains why Abraham was able to live in relative peace as an alien with the Philistines.<br />
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Well, jealous mothers, thirsty babies, and plain old politics, there we have it for Genesis 21!Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-76286456547048460272014-05-23T10:00:00.000-07:002014-05-23T10:00:04.867-07:00Genesis 20This chapter starts out with a sudden change of pace. We leave behind father-raping daughters and head back to Abraham, who has apparently decided to move. There is no reason given for this—perhaps his former home was downwind of Sodom and Gomorrah and was getting a bit ashy with bits of the unrighteous? So Abraham goes to Gerar, and he decides to pull off the <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2011/05/genesis-12.html" target="_blank">Sarah-is-my-sister trick</a> again. Because it worked so well the last time?<br />
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So the king (Abimelech) takes Sarah. I guess she is still unnaturally beautiful? Even though she's <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2014/05/genesis-18.html" target="_blank">post-menopausal</a>? I guess King Abimelech doesn't have a lot of nubile young women running around if he's going after the 90+ female demographic. And once again, the king is going to be punished for this, as god appears to him in a dream and says that she is a married woman.<br />
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This king, at least, stands up for himself and points out that Abraham and Sarah lied to him, so this really isn't his fault. And god is like "Yeah, I know, but I kept you from sinning, now give her back or die." God doesn't appear to be in any way upset with Abraham for perpetuating this stupid lie, but Abimelech sure is. He calls Abraham and basically asks wtf and demands to know why Abraham was doing this. Abraham says it is because he thought that no one there had enough respect of god to not kill him and steal his wife (instead they just steal his "sister"). Plus Sarah is actually Abraham's half-sister (they have the same father—ew), so he's not <i>really</i> lying, okay, guys?<br />
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So King Abimelech gives back not only Sarah but also sheep, oxen, silver, and slaves (yup, slavery is still totally cool) and also gives Abraham permission to settle on the land wherever he wants. Basically Abraham and Sarah are just a good old-fashioned con-artist couple. After all of this tribute, Abraham prays to god to heal Abimelech and his household because, oh by the way, god had made all the women (even the female slaves) barren because of the whole Sarah thing.<br />
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The immaturity on display here is quite astounding. It's hard to fathom that these people are supposed to be a respected prophet and his family, approaching 100 years of age, and still running around doing shit like this. And god is demonstrated to be a favorites-playing, spiteful creature. With a dash of incest and slavery, it's an all-around disgraceful outing.Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-4357954854487414792014-05-20T23:44:00.000-07:002014-05-21T21:28:37.577-07:00Genesis 19I kind of want to go back and give all my posts at least some sort of subtitles. Just looking at the list of post titles is snore-inducing! But I think my current project must be maintaining my posting schedule (goal: every 3 days, at least), as I've obviously struggled with that in the past. The good news is that I will have a more consistent work life now that I have transitioned out of the military, so I have high hopes for more consistent blogging. And now back to our regularly scheduled genesis!<br />
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We left off in <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2010/01/genesis-18.html" target="_blank">chapter 18</a> with Abraham bargaining for the good people of Sodom, getting god to agree that even ten righteous folks means the city isn't going to get sodomized (couldn't resist, sorry). Chapter 19 picks up with the two angels arriving in Sodom, where Lot (<a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2011/05/genesis-12.html" target="_blank">Abraham's nephew</a>) happens to be hanging out at the gate. Lot convinces the angels to come to his home for some hospitality, but after their feast, there's a small problem. <i>All</i> of the men of Sodom come surround Lot's house. Seriously, "young and old, all the people to the last man." How big is Lot's lot? Yikes! I'll chalk that up to hyperbole. So this crowd of men calls for Lot to bring out his guests so that they may "know" them. Winkwink bible-speak for sex.<br />
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Lot isn't very happy with this. I guess that isn't the kind of house he's running. So he goes out and tries to bargain with the mob, offering them his two virgin daughters for whatever use they like. He just wants them to leave his guests alone as they are "under the shelter of my roof." Somehow his daughters aren't? That is some fucked up priorities right there. Also, it isn't stated whether Lot knows these two are angels or not. I wouldn't be surprised if Abraham had sent a speedy runner to warn his nephew in an attempt to save the city, but if so, it isn't recorded here.<br />
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Anyway, the men are not impressed with the idea of Lot's virgin daughters, plus they're pissed that he's trying to tell them what to do when he is an immigrant. The mob tries to attack him, but the angels pull him inside and struck the mob with blindness. Now that they were blind they couldn't find the door, which considering some of them were literally standing at the door is pretty impressive.<br />
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The angels are suitably happy with Lot, and tell him that he needs to get himself and his family the hell out of dodge before the city goes down. Apparently Lot didn't have at least ten people in his household, so Abraham's bet doesn't work out. Also his son-in-laws thought he was joking when he told them to leave, so it ends up just being him, his wife, and his two daughters who flee the city. The angels warn them not to look back and not to stop anywhere in the whole Plain.<br />
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Lot doesn't want to go all the way to the hills, so he asks the angels if he can escape to a little city nearby. The angels decide to grant him his request and not destroy that little city. Phew, close call for whoever lived there! No clue where they fell on the righteousness scale, but the angels don't seem concerned about that. I guess it helps that those people didn't form a mob to try to sodomize them. So Lot runs away, and god rains down sulfur and fire on Sodom, Gomorrah, and the whole of the Plain (except Zoar, Lot's haven). Unfortunately, Lot's wife looks back at the destruction, so she turns into a pillar of salt. Oops!<br />
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Abraham watches the smoke rising from all this destruction, and it is said that god sent Lot out of the city in remembrance of Abraham. Not because Lot tried to save the angels? That's weird. Guess he was offering up his daughter's hymens for no good reason if god was gonna warn him anyway.<br />
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The last part of Genesis 19 is such a crazy story that it almost deserves a post of its own. Especially as this one is already getting long. But, one chapter per post! So.<br />
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Lot and his daughters leave Zoar after this because Lot is pretty freaked out by the whole sulfur and fire raining down from heaven thing. It's just the three of them, since Lot's wife got salted, living in a cave. So when his oldest daughter wants to have a baby, she doesn't have a lot of options. She says that there is "not a man on earth to come in to us." Does she really think they are the only 3 people left on earth? Sure, the whole Plain just got smoked, but there were people in Zoar, presumably. And since her family isn't even from there originally, it makes no sense that she thinks everyone everywhere is dead. But apparently she does.<br />
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So she tells her sister about this great plan for impregnation. They will get their father drunk in order to lay with him, and that way their offspring can continue. The older daughter goes one night, the younger daughter the next. Both times, Lot doesn't know when they lay down or rose.<br />
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Woah.<br />
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Re-read that again. Yup, his daughters <i>raped</i> him. One hundred percent. Pre-planned sexual assault upon their <i>father</i>. It works in that each of them get pregnant (Lot really must have a very magical penis to be able to impregnate two women while that drunk!). And from them come the <a href="http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/386718/Moabite" target="_blank">Moabites </a>and the <a href="http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/386718/Moabite" target="_blank">Ammonites</a>. That's a very fucked up story, and I suppose it is not surprising that both tribes were enemies of the Israelites.<br />
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So that's Genesis 19. In a nutshell, utter destruction of multiple cities plus father-rape and mud-slinging tribal origin stories. Yay?Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-70955501360800077742014-05-17T19:06:00.000-07:002014-05-20T23:44:50.013-07:00Genesis 18This chapter is broken into two completely separate stories. The only common tie is they are both about Abraham (and god, I suppose, but that's pretty much everything in this book). First, we continue the story of <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2013/08/genesis-17.html" target="_blank">Genesis 17</a>, where god promised that Abraham and Sarah would have a son, even though they are old.<br />
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The lord appears to Abraham as three men. It doesn't specify how the lord is three different men, and it's unclear if Abraham knows who they are. He is certainly quick to offer them his best hospitality. As they're sitting around over a meal of one of his tenderest calves, one of the men asks about Sarah and says that they'll return in "due season" and she'll have a son. Sarah is listening and laughs at this, because she and Abraham are so old. She appears to be post-menopausal; at least, that's my take on "it had ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women." I love the euphemism speak!<br />
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So then god wants to know why Sarah would laugh at that, since doesn't she know god can do anything? Except, of course, it hasn't really been established by these 3 men that they are god. So how was she to know they weren't just crazy wanderers? Anyway, now that Sarah knows it's god, she gets scared and tries to deny laughing. Aaaand scene. That's a little ominous of an ending. If this were a TV show, I'd totally be expecting Very Bad Things to come Sarah's way. But if there are, it's not in this chapter, as we now segue on to the beginning of the Sodom and Gomorrah story.<br />
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The men (who are god) are headed to Sodom, and Abraham is walking with them for a little bit because he's a good host. God has a little argument with himself about whether he should tell Abraham his plans—I guess it comes in handy to be embodied as three people when you want to talk to yourself! He ends up deciding to spill the beans. Turns out the purpose of this trip is that he's heard a great outcry about the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah and he's going to see for himself if it's as bad as all that. So, definitely no omniscience going on here. He can hear prayers, apparently, but doesn't have eyes everywhere.<br />
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Now the men split towards Sodom, but Abraham stays to talk to god. That's a little weird. Maybe the three men were totally separate from god appearing to Abraham? It's honestly impossible to tell. But now it's just god and Abraham, and they're hashing out a deal. Basically, Abraham can't believe that his god, who is just, would destroy everyone in the city if there are righteous people there. (Um, hasn't he heard of <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2010/01/genesis-7.html" target="_blank">the flood</a>?) So he gets god to agree to spare the cities if there are 50 righteous men. But then that seems to high, so basically Abraham keeps bargaining until he gets that number down to 10 righteous men. God here definitely does not come off as an omniscient, omnipotent deity of all. He's haggling with Abraham about his plans!<br />
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So now god is off to see if he can find ten righteous men in Sodom, and Abraham is presumably going back to bang Sarah so they can have that kid. Wonder how that's going to end?Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-85865500455264412942013-08-13T20:52:00.002-07:002013-08-13T20:52:32.841-07:00Genesis 17This chapter brings us more covenanting! Huzzah.<br />
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God comes to Abram again and tells him about how Abram's offspring will be "exceedingly numerous." As far as I can tell, this is at least the third time. Does god think that Abram is overly forgetful? Or maybe god is just losing track of who he's told what; after all, if your experience of time is infinite, pinpointing individual moments has got to be something of a challenge!<br />
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So God renames Abram to Abraham (according to the footnotes, this is a change from "exalted ancestor" to "ancestor of a multitude") and Sarai to Sarah (no illuminating info for this name change, although <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah" target="_blank">some Googling</a> tells me it is "my princess" to "princess"). This, however, is not a big enough symbol of the covenant. No, god also drops the little bomb that every male has to circumcise the flesh of his penis.<br />
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I can only imagine what the reaction to <i>that</i> announcement was! No, wait, scratch that, I can picture that it was probably almost exactly like this:<br />
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As an interesting note here, god specifically calls out that this circumcision business is required of both Abraham's descendants but also all of the slaves of his household, both the ones born into his house and the ones he buys. Again, a straight up endorsement of slavery (and slave-trading) from a book that some want to use as a springboard of moral authority.<br />
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God tells Abraham about the son that he will have, although Abraham is a little skeptical, given that he is 99 and Sarah is 90 at this point. He suggests that <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2013/08/genesis-16.html" target="_blank">Ishmael </a>could be the one through which god fulfills the covenant, but god insists that Sarah will have her own son, although he does consent to toss Ishmael a blessing in the form of fathering 12 princes and a great nation.<br />
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Abraham then goes and carries out the circumcision. Yikes. That had to be a bad day in the household!Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-65777638048910287822013-08-04T12:37:00.002-07:002013-08-04T12:37:42.590-07:00Genesis 16This chapter brings us the tale of the birth of Ishmael. Am I the only one that cannot stop thinking "Call me Ishmael" every 2 seconds while reading this chapter?<br />
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Sarai, Abram's <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2011/05/genesis-12.html" target="_blank">smoking hot wife</a>, still hasn't given him any kids. She's starting to worry about this, so she tells him to impregnate one of her slaves, Hagar. (So glad this isn't how we have to deal with infertility today!) Abram doesn't seem too upset by this idea (totally in line with his traditional marriage), so he gets it on with Hagar, who gets pregnant. In a shocking twist, Hagar has now lost respect for Sarai, since she is going to give Abram children. How did Sarai not see this coming? So she freaks out on Abram about it. I'm really glad we haven't given up on keeping the "women are crazy" motif going strong.<br />
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So Sarai ends up mistreating Hagar (after Abram reminds her that Hagar is, after all, Sarai's slave). Hagar then runs away, but an angel finds her and tells her to go back. He also promises that her offspring be uncountable in magnitude, but on the other hand, her son is going to be an ass. Literally, "he shall be a wild ass of a man." That's not the most reassuring of promises to my mind, but she ends up going back and giving birth to Ishmael. The lucky father is 86! I suppose it should not be surprising that biblical men, unlike <a href="http://infertility.about.com/od/causesofinfertility/f/maleagefertile.htm" target="_blank">those in present day</a>, are fertile babymaking machines even when they're old.<br />
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This chapter also is one of the first times we start looking at slavery from the biblical POV. Clearly, it is a generally accepted practice at the time. God doesn't seem to mind at all that Sarai has one of her slave girls raped in order to produce children, nor does he give a shit that Sarai proceeds to mistreat said slave. In fact, when the slave escapes, she is found by an angel and commanded to return to her mistress! So far, god seems pretty down with slavery.<br />
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All in all, I find this chapter pretty disturbing in a lot of ways.Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-92213673319136369082013-07-28T09:54:00.000-07:002013-07-28T09:54:15.219-07:00Genesis 15The subtitle for today's chapter is "God's Covenant with Abram," which at least sounds a little more exciting than some of the previous ones. (I'm still impressed with how boring they managed to make the<a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2013/07/genesis-14.html"> Battle of Siddim</a>.)<br />
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God comes around to congratulate Abram and say again how awesome things are going to be for him. Abram points out that, so far, that doesn't seem to be the case, because he still doesn't have any children. This is pretty justified, in my opinion, and god seems to think so too, because he doesn't get mad at Abram. Instead, he takes him out and shows him the stars and we get yet another metaphor for how numerous Abram's descendants will be. It's funny how god is sometimes totally okay with people questioning him and sometimes it's The Worst Thing Ever.<br />
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Abram is still a little skeptical at this point, so god tells him to bring a bunch of animals and sacrifice them. Abram cuts them in half and guards the carcasses. This seems a little gruesome to me, but apparently is traditional. And frankly, gruesome doesn't seem to phase the OT god.<br />
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Once night comes around, god delivers a promise to Abram. He says that the descendants of Abram will be slaves in a land not their own, and they will be oppressed for 400 years. But it's okay because after that, god will judge the people oppressing them and things will get good for Abram's line. Abram himself is promised an easy death after a long life. And then they will come back after 4 generations, which allows time for the Amorites' iniquity to become "complete."<br />
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There are so many wtf things about this covenant. Four hundred years of oppression?? That's all fine for the people around at the end of it, when god apparently will get around to rewarding them, but what about all the people who will be born, live, and die in misery? Sure, heaven, I guess, but that's seems like a fantastically shitty deal to me. Especially because it's unnecessary. God is omniscient and omnipotent, so he's just showing off his puppet mastery here. He knows that the Amorites are in iniquity because he <i>made</i> them that way. So why the four generation wait? Why the 400 years? It just seems like god is creating some cosmic play, using the lives of real people as fodder. I find it vaguely sickening.<br />
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So then god sends a smoking fire between the pieces of the dead animals and delivers the promised covenant. He promises to give the land of a bunch of different people (Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites, etc) to Abram's descendants. God is apparently quite the racist. I know this is the OT god and such, but are we seriously to believe that this is the same god that cares about <b>all</b> of humanity? Cause right now it just seems to be one petty tribal god promising his particular tribe that one day they'll be the ones on top.<br />
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That's all for the great covenant of Abram...tune in next time to see how it plays out!Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-35777772730738318722013-07-24T21:32:00.000-07:002014-05-20T23:45:34.239-07:00Genesis 14Two posts in a week! I'm getting far too regular, I think it is almost time for me to let this blog go defunct for two years again...<br />
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Today's chapter isn't very exciting in any way, which is a little odd since it talks about a battle involving <i>nine</i> kings. That sounds like it should be epic, but it was merely mindnumbing. The bible that I am using has all the longer names spelled out in some form of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phonetic_transcription">phonetic notation</a> that actually just makes them seem even longer and more confusing. There are several of these names jammed into one sentence, which makes the eyes glaze over a bit.<br />
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Some kings are rebelling against some other kings, and it ends up five kings on one side and four on the other. Didn't the ancients know that too many kings spoil the region?? I can only imagine how tiny their kingdoms were.<br />
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The reason that this battle is even mentioned at all is not because it's significant that all these kings (including one who <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amraphel">might be Hammurabi</a>, apparently) were fighting, but because the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah lost (they really just have the worst luck, eh?). Lot, <a href="http://askepticbiblestudy.blogspot.com/2013/07/genesis-13.html">if you remember</a>, was living in the plains near Sodom, so he ends up getting captured. Luckily, someone escapes and lets Abram know.<br />
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Obviously, Abram isn't just going to let Lot be carried off after all the trouble he took to never have to see him, so he takes 318 men and goes and defeats the army that just won the battle. Yeah. The five kings who just whooped the ass of four other kings goes on to lose to a shepherd with a couple hundred men. I guess their kingdoms/armies are even smaller than I thought!<br />
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When Abram returns with all the shit he re-captured, the king of Sodom is pretty happy about it and blesses Abram. Abram gives a tenth of it to the king, but the king tries to make Abram keep all of the goods (he's happy to take the people). Abram says he doesn't want the king to be able to claim to be making Abram rich, which I think was a pretty good call on his part. I've read enough fantasy to know that you don't want to end up in debt to a king.<br />
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All in all, I think they managed to make what could have been an interesting story way, way more boring than it needed to be. Although I did get a good laugh out of Chedorlaomer. King Cheddar!<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">This is what you get when you Google King Cheddar...</span></i></div>
Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-13755810820925625662013-07-21T01:08:00.000-07:002014-05-20T23:46:14.902-07:00Genesis 13On a random note, I think it's totally awesome that my bookmark is still in the right place even after moving across the country!<br />
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Anyway, on to Abram and Lot!<br />
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Last we saw them, they were getting kicked out of Egypt for running a scam on the pharaoh. Pharaoh can't have been too pissed, though, because he let them take all of their things. Apparently, that was a lot. Both Lot and Abram are established here as being wealthy dudes—lots of livestock and precious metals. Guess that stuff about rich men and needles comes later, eh?<br />
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Because they were both so rich, they were having trouble living together. Herders getting into fights all over the place—in my mind this is like Slytherin vs Gryffindor right before a Quidditch match. Abram, being a relative decent dude, offers Lot first pick on which side of the land he wants, and Abram will take the other. Where are all the people who actually live in these lands? How can these guys have so much livestock that they seemingly have to settle in different <i>countries</i>? Weird.<br />
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Anyway, Lot thinks he sees a good deal and takes the plain of Jordan, to the east. This is probably not a good idea in the long run, since Sodom and Gomorrah are over there and, spoilers, I'm pretty sure they'll feature negatively at some point. For now, all it says is that they haven't been destroyed yet and that Lot settles his tents near Sodom, whose people are ominously described as "wicked [and] great sinners against the Lord."<br />
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Abram heads over to the land he got left with (turns out to be Canaan), and god shows up and tells him that someday, all the land will be his. I guess this is in return for him being fair and giving Lot first choice, but it seems like a big middle finger to Lot to have this come right after he settles his own land. Here we get the metaphor of Abram's descendants being as uncountable as the dust of the earth. I foresee more of these in our future. God tells Abram to walk around the land and get used to the idea that it will all belong to him and his descendants. Abram must think that is cool because he builds yet another altar. Seriously, how many of these things is he leaving in his wake?<br />
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And that's it for Genesis 13. It's not the most thrilling chapter with which to make my return, but I'm happy to be back and blogging!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-55773728396445807572013-07-20T21:00:00.001-07:002013-07-20T21:02:26.730-07:00I'm So Tech SavvyI finally figured out how to transfer this blog to my new account! (Necessitated by a name change--yes, the estranged husband became the ex-husband. I've been happily dating someone new for over a year a half now, though!) And we're back to lovely San Diego, thankfully.<br />
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Which means more fun adventures through the Bible. Holy shit do we have a long way to go! Stay tuned to continue our romp through Genesis...Norahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001952910081058448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-89424918090791552992011-05-09T14:00:00.000-07:002014-05-20T23:47:15.432-07:00Genesis 12This chapter starts out with god telling Abram to leave behind his life in return for basically founding a "great nation." There's no reason given for this, either. At least with Noah, they mention that he was righteous and everything. The impression here is that god just kind of randomly said "Hey...you!"<br />
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So Abram and his wife (Sarai, remember) and his nephew Lot pack up their things and head off to Canaan. A litany of forgettable place names follow, but the gist is that god promises Canaan to Abram's descendents.<br />
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However, for now the place is full of Canaanites, so Abram and his people just settle down minding their own business until there is a famine. There was so little food that Abram had to go down to Egypt to try and feed everyone. He comes up with a pretty genius plan before they get there—since Sarai is <i>so</i> beautiful, they'll kill him if they know she's his wife. So they'll just tell everyone they're brother and sister! There is no way this plan goes wrong.<br />
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Except, of course, that it does. Sarai is so beautiful that word gets to the pharaoh—I mean, really, are we to believe Sarai is THAT freaking hot? It's like the oldest Mary Sue.—and so he takes her for his wife and gives Abram lots of gifts. This seems like a good thing (guess Abram isn't a jealous dude), until god sends plagues on pharaoh and his household. Cause this is in any way his fault? God sure does love to play favorites—send the plagues on Abram for being a lying sack of shit, eh? Anyway. So the pharaoh figures it out and sends Sarai and Abram away. <br />
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Fairly simple chapter, but it leaves me wondering what the point of a lot of this crap is. It seems like so much filler! If I had written the bible, or been on the councils that edited it, I would definitely <i>pare down</i>!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-47117215760094072802011-05-05T12:26:00.000-07:002014-05-20T23:48:11.494-07:00Genesis 11I don't know who decided where the chapter breaks would go in these books, but it really is poorly designed. The poor tower of Babel story gets crunched in 9 verses before yet <span style="font-style: italic;">another </span>genealogy list that drones on for 23 verses.<br />
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Anyway, the story of Babel is pretty straightforward. The "whole earth" (so far, the only impression given is the "whole fertile crescent," shockingly enough) spoke one language, and so they decided to get together and build a huge tower with "its top in the heavens." God, of course, wasn't too pleased with this. I don't know why—if we haven't got to heaven with spacecraft, it hardly seems like a tower had any chance of it—but god isn't particularly logical so far. So god gives them a bunch of different languages and scatters them all over. Interesting that the languages he made them were so conveniently and logically interconnected based on where he scattered them to. Also, one <span style="font-style: italic;">has </span>to wonder again about god's so-called omniscience. He didn't see from the start that there should be different languages? He didn't know they were going to build Babel? Why is this "omniscient" god acting as if he's surprised by humanity's wacky antics, like some bad sitcom?<br />
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That's all there is to Babel. Short and sweet explanation about why we have different languages. Again, fulfilling a mythical function to a people who didn't understand the way languages were interconnected and evolved.<br />
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From here on, it's more "son of son of" stuff. We get a recap again on Shem's descendants, even thought we just heard that in the previous chapter! The line is traced all the way from Shem to Abram and Lot, who will soon feature more prominently. Interestingly enough, the men are having their sons earlier and living shorter every generation. It starts with Shem having Arpachshad at 100 and living to be 600 and ends with Nahor having Terah at 29 and living to be 148. There is no explanation given for this, which seems odd to me.<br />
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We finish off the exciting genealogy with a mess of a family—Terah is the father of Abram, Nahor, and Haran. Abram is married to Sarai and Nahor to Milcah. It seems to me that Milcah is Haran's daughter, but to be honest I'm a little confused. I read verse 29b like five times and still have no idea what they're trying to say: "Nahor's wife was Milcah. She was the daughter of Haran the father of Milcah and Iscah." I think they need more commas!<br />
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So Haran—who is dead at this point—has a son Lot. Terah, Abram, Sarai, and Lot set out to Canaan but end up settling in Haran (I can only guess they named the place after they got there, or that's a pretty big coincidence!) instead. This is where the chapter ends—perfect set up and hook for Genesis 12!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-53374171659339539912011-05-03T16:27:00.000-07:002011-05-03T16:50:33.320-07:00Genesis 10Another chapter devoted to an endless list of difficult names and family relations! Good thing we have all this stuff written down and sold around the world more than 100 million times every year, or how would I ever know that Togarmah was the son of Gomer, who was himself the son of Japheth (who was one of Noah's sons, if you can't remember, which would hardly be surprising at this point).<br /><br />One random descendant who gets special attention is Nimrod (ha!), son of Cush, son of Ham. He was "the first on earth to become a mighty warrior." Given that, by this point, it's already been hundreds or thousands of years, I'd bet that there have been some mighty warriors. Mankind is good at nothing if not trying to kill each other! Apparently Nimrod was the original badass, though. "Therefore it is said, 'Like Nimrod a might hunter before the Lord.'" Sounds to me like nothing more than an explanation for a pithy statement of the time. Weird to get a mention like that.<br /><br />Nimrod's kingdom included Shinar (Babel, Erech, Accad), and Assyria (Nineveh, Rehobothir, Calah, Resen). Canaan has a bunch of sons and they spread out from Sidon to Gaza, "in the direction of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, and Zeboiim," whatever that means. Shem's brood takes over from Mesha to Sephar. Spoiler alert: Some of these places might be important later!<br /><br />And that's it. Thrilling chapter, wrapped up with this gem of a line: "From these the nations spread abroad on the earth after the flood."<br /><br />So yes. All 7 billion people on this planet are descended from Noah, whose sons established some nations all in the same vicinity. Not to mention that all of them were originally descended from one couple and the incestuous genealogy that followed. I don't know much about genetics, but I know enough to know that is complete BS.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-82753062170532611662011-05-03T16:25:00.001-07:002011-05-03T16:26:57.745-07:00Long Time No See!Phew. Can't believe it's been over a <span style="font-style:italic;">year</span> since I've updated. It's positively shameful, and I'm sure I've probably lost the few readers I had. My sincere apologies! Life has been life, and for a long time I wasn't sure I would ever take this up again.<br /><br />But! Here I am, ready to blog! Lovely San Diego is now lovely Charleston, lovely husband is now estranged husband, but the crazy-ass Bible is still the crazy-ass Bible. =)<br /><br />Now where was I...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-63844901458710158272010-02-07T14:45:00.000-08:002010-02-07T15:13:33.595-08:00Genesis 9We're back with Noah again this chapter, and the subtitle (The Covenant with Noah) leads me to expect we'll be getting further elaboration on the promise God made to not freak out on the earth again.<br /><br />God tells Noah and his family to be fruitful and multiply. It's the same thing he told Adam and Eve, and it didn't work out too well for them. They'd have been better off saving some energy and just birthing a direct line to Noah. But God needed to have all that "fruit" to kill, or the Flood just wouldn't have that much of an impact. God also tells them that everything else on earth will have "fear and dread of you." Awesome. I'm wondering if God was including creatures like sharks, tigers, bears? Last I checked they weren't too scared of me. <br /><br />God says that they should eat all the animals and plants, which is I suppose why fundies look so askance at vegans and vegetarians. They're dirty liberals who are directly flouting Genesis 9:3! Then again, some of the carnivores aren't doing any better. God says that if we eat anything that still has its blood, we will pay in our own blood. So God is against a good rare steak? And sushi? I'm not really sure what he's prohibiting here. I suppose it's a useful injuction for a primitive culture to cook their meat, but it hardly seems holy.<br /><br />Genesis 9:6 is the predecessor to the later eye for an eye philosophy. It's a pretty cut and dried statement in support of the death penalty. "Whoever sheds the blood of a human, by a human shall that person's blood be shed." Well, color me shocked. It is 100% probably that there are people in history who have shed the blood of others and gone on to die perfectly natural, non-human-caused deaths. So God is proclaiming something demonstrably false here. Again, I must wonder about his omniscience if he doesn't know this isn't going to pan out. Or his omnipotence for not <em>making </em>this pan out!<br /><br />Apparently feeling guilty, God repeats his promise to Noah and co. to never flood the earth again. Which is a bit of a wimpy promise, really. I mean, if God gets pissed off, there are thousands of ways he could destroy the earth without flooding it. So, congratulations, you've ruled out ONE possibility, God. I'll sure sleep better now! The really ludicrous part of this is that God says as a sign of this promise, he will put a rainbow in the sky so that we can remember. In fact, not only so we will remember, but that so <em>God himself</em> won't forget! That's some BS for an omniscient god!<br /><br />Surely there were rainbows in the hundreds of years before the flood? Did it never rain? Did the sunlight never strike water at just that particular angle? That's ridiculous. This reminds me of the song in Fantasia where the night comes as a lady's robe and a rainbow is created by another lady's dress. MYTH. It truly hurts my brain to try to take this literally.<br /><br />To end out the chapter, we get a nice little tale of Noah and his sons. Noah has three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth. Ham's son is Canaan (sound familiar?). One night, Noah gets drunk off wine from his vineyard (take that, teetotallers!), and passes out in his tent naked (hmmm, one has to wonder what he was doing in his tent, drunk, alone, and naked...blech). Ham sees Noah is naked, and tells Shem and Japheth who manage to cover up Noah without getting a peep at his peeper. Noah wakes up, probably hungover and with a wine headache, because there is no real reason for him to curse Canaan for this. But he does, and says that Canaan will be slave to Shem and Japheth. Wow. First of all, it was HAM who saw Noah, but Ham's innocent son who gets the curse. I kinda feel like there has to be something missing here. It says that Noah cursed Canaan "When Noah...knew what his youngest son had done to him." That sounds a lot more ominous that Ham just catching a glimpse of his dad passed out naked. Jeez.<br /><br />That's Genesis for you. Vengeful, irratic, illogical, hypocritical, and mythical. It's quite entertaining until I remember that <em>there are people try to live as if this were true</em>. Gah.<br /><br />And the Super Bowl approaches, so that's all for now!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-44841082643581634662010-02-01T11:51:00.001-08:002010-02-01T11:51:16.522-08:00Quick update: A post is in progress! Work got craaaazy last week, but I expect to get it up tonight! =DUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-53093151151260309782010-01-26T18:20:00.000-08:002010-02-01T21:42:21.902-08:00Genesis 8<em>Sorry for the delay in posting. I wrote the first half of this last week, but then had a few 12 hour work days in a row and my husband got hurt so I had to take care of him all weekend. Not that I mind, but it kept me from blogging!</em><br /><br />It's almost discouraging to realize that we're only on the 8th chapter, but I have no time limit and taking it in these small chunks is making it a lot easier to keep up with posting. So we'll continue on, one step at a time, and I'll try not to feel too overwhelmed. I only have to think about one chapter for now! And that's the wrapping up of the flood in Genesis 8.<br /><br />But God finally remembers Noah and all the animals (Did he forget about them? It usually seems like the implication of "remembering" something is that it was forgotten at some point!) and sends a wind to blow away the waters. Wait, what? If the waters are covering the whole earth, where is the wind blowing the water <em>to</em>? This makes sense from a flat earth perspective, but for a globe it's illogical. However he did it, though, the waters start to recede. Eventually the ark comes to rest on Mt. Ararat.<br /><br />Given that the there is a specific location given for the resting place of the ark, and given that it wasn't more than a few thousand years ago according to the Biblical timeline, surely we could find evidence of the ark's remains on Ararat? Indeed, various expeditions have attempted this before. None of them have found anything! Well, that's not true. None of them have found anything that didn't turn out later to be a hoax. To be fair, the bible only says that it came to rest on "the mountains of Ararat," which may refer to a nearby peak to the actual Mt. Ararat. Still, nothing has been found on any of them either. <br /><br />I find it interesting that the ark rests on its mountain on the 17th day of the 7th month, but "the tops of the mountains appeared" only when the water had been receding for 10 months. At that rate, it would take a lot longer to clear the water. Maybe God was tired, or just really laughing to himself about how cranky the Noahs were getting.<br /><br />Noah sends out birds to see if they can find places to roost or find anything of note. The third bird he sends out, a dove, brings back a fresh olive leaf. This happens about 2 months after the tops of the mountains appear from the water. I don't know a ton about olive trees, but a quick Wikipedia check tells me they flourish in coastal areas and the like. Coastal areas tend to be about sea level. So in 2 months, the water completely disappeared and the olive tree had time to grow and bloom? Or is this an olive tree that survived being underwater for a year? And if it did, how does that fit with God wanting to kill every living thing on earth? (For that matter, what about the fishies? Were they on God's good list? And if so, why didn't he just temporarily give a couple animals gills until the flood had passed? Or just protect them in a bubble? The ark just seems SO unnecessary for am omnipotent god!)<br /><br />One year and two months and some days after the start of the flood, God finally okays the ark to be emptied. Maybe it's just me, but there's no way I would sit in a dank, smelly, cramped ark for months while I waited for the ground to dry. Nope, I'd sneak out a window and run around in the mud and breathe the fresh air in great big gulps (I know, I'm such a bitter, cheerless atheist). This is probably why I would've been drowned! Noah and his family are so obedient. I can just picture God saying "Good boy! Good boy! C'mon out! Who's a good boy? You are! Oh yes you are!"<br /><br />So after the ark empties out, Noah builds an altar and...wait for it...sacrifices some of all the clean animals to God. Wait. This is the same God who just killed millions of animals in the entire world, and now he is pleased by Noah killing some of the ones God went through all the trouble to save? I mean, wow, you'd think even God would've been sick of the blood by now. But anyway, apparently these last few animals dying did the trick, and God says that he will "never again curse the ground because of humankind, for the inclination of the human heart is evil from youth." That's okay, then, because humankind is pretty capable of cursing the ground ourselves, I think. It's the second part that gets me. God, listen, <em>you made them</em>. And if they're evil-leaning from the very start, that means <em>you made them evil-leaning</em>! How are you complaining about this? I was gonna write an analogy about script writers not liking the ending of their own movies, but that doesn't even begin to compare. God is omniscient and omnipotent. Which means he had to have known what was going to happen, he had to have been able to make something else happen, and so what the hell is so pouty about? It doesn't add up.<br /><br />I don't know how I had so much to say about such a short, relatively uneventful chapter, but I guess I did! And now, hopefully, back to daily updates, at least while I'm at class and not on my ship every day.<br /><br />Cheers!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-12256054706837313272010-01-24T10:05:00.000-08:002010-01-24T10:41:54.425-08:00Genesis 7Welcome back! Time for a quick post or two before the football games today, so we're off to see the promised flood!<br /><br />God gives Noah further instruction about the ark. He tells him now to not only bring a pair of every kind of animal, but <span style="font-style:italic;">seven </span>pairs of all the clean animals! And I thought that ark was gonna be crowded before. It seems like God is trying to skew the animal population post-flood towards the "clean" animals. Seems a bit unnecessary, no? I mean, God is the one who created these animals, and created them unclean (animals didn't sin in Eden!). So he either wants them or he doesn't, and why doesn't he just make them multiply less? I mean, micromanaging and all, but I've certainly been led to believe that God micromanages each and every one of our lives, so surely in his omnipotence he could make the unclean animals less fruitful? Hm.<br /><br />So Noah (at the ripe old age of 600) goes into the ark with his family and all the animals, and a week later, the flood came. It doesn't say why they went into the ark a week early. I mean, it can't be that much fun in there, and surely God can just start the flood as soon as they're all safe without the week lag...perhaps that was a grace period for the dinosaurs? Heh. Anyway, this isn't an issue if you just read the next few verses. Why? Because they completely restate everything, with a slight twist.<br /><br />According to verse 12 and 13, the rain fell and "on the very same day" Noah and all the animals entered the ark. If they entered the ark on the same day the rains started to fall, why did verse 10 claim that the waters of the flood didn't come for seven days later? I mean, if the writers were specific enough to know that this happened when Noah was 600 years, 2 months, and 17 days old, it can't be too much of a stretch to know whether or not they waited around in the ark for a week before the flood started. Even if they didn't know, they could at least decide on one version to put here!<br /><br />As far as the actual flood, that they agree lasted 40 days and 40 nights. During this time "all the fountains of the great deep burst forth" in addition to all the rain. What's that supposed to mean? Geysers? Underground reservoirs coming forth to add to all the rain? What's preventing those empty spaces from now getting filled up with rain water? Hm. Perhaps God was plugging all the holes. However it happened, we know that the waters covered "all the high mountains under the whole heaven." Wow. That's a lot of water.<br /><br />Given Mt. Everest is 8,848 meters tall, and the average elevation of the continents is 840 meters. So the water made a layer about 8000 meters deep. The radius of the earth is about 6400 kilometers. Doing a quick bit of math, this means there needed to be an additional 3,449,676,768,158,891,767,700 cubic meters of water. That's 3.4E24 cubic meters, aka 3.4 <span style="font-style:italic;">quadrillion</span>. Where did all that water come from? Where did it go? There are all sorts of creationist "scientific" theories regarding this, but not one of them sounds in any way logical. So one must resort to "Well, God did it," which leads me to wonder why God would try to make it look like a natural phenomenon. Why not just strike dead all mankind at once? It's truly bizarre.<br /><br />The cheerful ending of this chapter tells how every single living thing was "blotted out from the earth." Except for the ark. All those animals must have been the righteous ones. Or else God couldn't care less about animals. I'm thinking it's the latter. Very reassuring for anyone with a pet or a conscience, no? It must have been a lot of fun on that ark, as the waters of the flood stayed around for 150 days. So, a week beforehand, 40 days of flood, and then 150 days of floating...I can only imagine how snippy everyone was getting! Not to mention that <span style="font-style:italic;">everyone and everything they had known was gone</span>. Like I said last time, I wouldn't accept such an offer from God. I'd rather die with everyone else. <br /><br />The story of the flood is often touted as a children's story, with all the animals and the ark and everything. But I think it's incredibly morbid and gruesome. Luckily, it doesn't seem like it has any basis in truth, but that's only reassuring for those of us that can turn an objective eye towards this myth. Which isn't exactly an original myth (check out <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deluge_myth">this Wikipedia page</a> to see a list), so it's truly mindboggling that one can pick a story that sounds exactly like all the rest and say it is the true one. The more likely conclusion is that none of them are true.<br /><br />Until next time!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-23458516776504728582010-01-20T18:46:00.000-08:002010-01-20T19:20:51.532-08:00Genesis 6I have the most boring post titles, eh? Oh well, my format lends itself well to that, and it would be entirely too taxing to come up with amusing subtitles every time. So these will have to suffice! Plus, it clears up any confusion about what I'm going to write about (hint: it's Genesis 6!).<br /><br />Wow, this chapter starts off on a great foot. "...daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that they were fair; and they took wives for themselves of all that they chose." There is no getting around the fact that just sounds flat-out sexist, and I'm not one of those people who is overly sensitive to sexism. Ah, this is when God hands down the mortal lifespan! He says that because we are flesh we cannot live more than 120 years. That's interesting, because all those people delineated in the previous chapter were flesh too, but they got at least 900 years! <br /><br />Then there come blatant demi-gods. Remember those myths of Zeus having children with mortal women who end up being the greatest insert-noun-here? Clearly legend, of course. But when "the sons of God went in to the daughters of humans, who bore children to them" who go on to become "the heroes that were of old, warriors of renown," then that's just the Biblical truth, and we can't possibly understand nowadays because things were <em>different </em>back then.<br /><br />So God suddenly realizes that humankind is evil, so he decides to kill not only all the humans but also all the living things of his creation. He is sorry that he ever made them. Yes, let that statement sink in for a minute. The omniscient, omnipotent God who created humankind in his image, later discovers they are evil in their hearts and is sorry he ever got involved. An outcome that he should have known in the entirety from before he ever created them! Anyway, luckily for us modern day humans, Noah wasn't as black-hearted as the rest.<br /><br />If Noah hadn't found favor with the Lord, would we today be arguing with Christians who believe that we've all been killed, the sensory world is merely a dream created by the devil, and that when we die we will actually "wake up" into the real, heavenly world? Actually, come to think of it, I'm sure there's some religion out there that claims such a thing. I wouldn't be surprised. But here I shall limit myself to merely what is presented before me in this holiest of books, where Noah was saved.<br /><br />God tells Noah about his plan to flood the earth and gives him exact instructions for an ark. I know there is some debate on the actual length of a cubit (thanks, Google!), but for sake of modern day comprehension, I'll use the "long" cubit of about 20 inches. That makes the ark 2,083,333 cubic feet of volume. For comparison, the Titanic measured in with 4,632,800 cubic feet. So Noah made an ark out of wood and pitch that was half the size of the Titanic. Where did he get so much wood and pitch? That seems implausible.<br /><br />So God outlines his plan of flooding the entire earth and tells Noah to bring his family (wife, sons, daughters-in-law) onto the ark as well as 2 of every kind of creature as well as every kind of food that exists.<br /><br />This is almost worse than the creation story! At least then we can assume an omnipotent God who can do illogical things. Here we are asked to swallow the idea that Noah, a mortal man, built an ark half the size of the Titanic, in the middle of the desert (okay, it doesn't say so explicitly here, but this is what I was taught in church and given the Hebrew region seems likely), and then collected every kind of animal and plant onto it. Including animals like the kangaroo or the buffalo, that existed half a world away. Where did they shit? What did they eat? If they ate all the food he brought, how did he refurbish the world?<br /><br />This makes NO SENSE. There is no brain acrobatic that makes this work. Noah's ark is <em>impossible</em>.<br /><br />Another question that occurs to me is that God says all of humankind is evil. Then he says, well, Noah, you're okay. So why does Noah get to bring his whole family? It doesn't say that they're righteous. It just says Noah is. Are they getting a free pass from this flood because they're related to the one righteous man? What nepotism! And surely they had friends and neighbors. If Noah was able to influence his family to be righteous, what about them? And how could he do this knowing full well that they were going to be killed? I'd think the moral thing to do here is let God flood the entire earth and be done with it, rather than prolonging this "humankind is evil" crap for nearly six thousand more years.<br /><br />What an interesting chapter. Demi-gods, impossible boats, and only one righteous man! And if everyone's lineage gets funneled through Noah, how can we go back to the idea that all of Lamech's descendants were musicians? Surely everyone is descended from Noah now, and since Noah descends through Seth and not Cain, no one can be a musician anymore?<br /><br />Christianity would be doing so much better if someone had edited this book before publication! So far, I'm not impressed!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-3936945600534041772010-01-16T16:50:00.000-08:002010-01-16T17:09:17.315-08:00Genesis 5I guess reading the Bible <span style="font-style:italic;">is<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span> providing me solace, as it is giving me something to do while my husband assuages his Cardinals' loss by playing xbox! This time we're hitting "Adam's Descendants to Noah and His Sons" which sounds oh-so-exciting. But skipping over the unpalatable parts is exactly NOT the point, so here I go!<br /><br />Adam was 130 when Seth was born (Seth being the 3rd son, after Cain and Abel). This is obviously something that cannot happen nowadays or in any previous historical era. I forget if there is an explanation coming later, but as I touched on the other week, it is very illogical to say that human lifespans are dictated by God. Because we can now medically extend lifespans, does that make us more powerful than God, able to override his will? Or can we assume that he likes us more than he like those of the 19th century but much less than he liked Adam? It says right in verse 5 that Adam died when he was 930 (which is a far cry more than a day from when he ate of the tree!).<br /><br />Outlined here is the following genealogy (with ages):<br /><br />Adam (930) to<br />Seth (912) to<br />Enosh (905) to<br />Kenan [and the lesser-known sibling Kel...] (910) to <br />Mahalalel (895) to<br />Jared (962) to<br />Enoch (365) to<br />Methusaleh (969) to<br />Lamech (777) to<br />Noah.<br /><br />Pretty straight forward genealogy except for the fact that these people are <span style="font-style:italic;">living almost a millennium each</span>. I really just cannot see any way to accept this as anything other than a myth. Oh, back before the Flood, people lived sooo long! Yeah, so did the Númenóreans of Middle Earth. Also of note is Enoch, who is famous for being taken by God rather than dying. It doesn't say here why Enoch was taken or anything, just that he walked with God and was no more. Something that also stood out to me was that Lamech lived to be 777. Seven is a holy number in the Bible (or so I was taught, as evidence by instructions to forgive "seven times seven" and such), so is there any significance to the fact that Lamech lives to such an age? Perhaps because he was Noah's father he was an accorded a special status of some sort. Also, this is obviously a different Lamech than Cain's son, but the first repetition of names so far. Perhaps an oral tradition getting muddled?<br /><br />The chapter ends by mentioning that Noah, at the age of 500, has 3 sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth. How many of us can even hope to be fertile at 50?<br /><br />A boring chapter, overall, but I think it's another chink in the armor of literalness. Not that anyone with half a rational brain takes this stuff literally, but it boggles my mind to read this and think that <span style="font-style:italic;">anyone </span>thinks this is 100% true. My faith in humankind is slowly sinking by the verse.<br /><br />Sigh.<br /><br />Hopefully the next chapter will be more entertaining!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-66418205748081007022010-01-13T17:57:00.000-08:002014-05-22T10:39:13.542-07:00Genesis 4I thought at least ONE person besides myself would have seen this by now...but page views would say otherwise! Oh well. I am having fun doing this, it is something I've been wanting to do, so even if my words are just echoing around an empty internet, it's worth it! Also, interesting tidbit, there are 1189 chapters in the bible (according to Google, I don't have the time to count!), which means at my current rate, I'll be working on this blog for another 3 years and 3 months at least! So I guess I don't have to think up any new ideas! Okay, so, on to the 4th chapter, in which is the ever popular story of Cain and Abel...<br />
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It just cracks me up that the Bbible cannot bring itself to say that Adam had sex with his wife, although sex is supposed to be holy in a God-sanctioned marriage. But it's not decorous to speak of it, so we just hear that Adam "knew" Eve and she had a kid. Or maybe that's how it really did work back then! Regardless, she has 2 boys somehow. She says that she has "produced a man" which makes me think of nothing so much as this internet pin:<br />
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<a href="http://ibreakplates.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/green-sm.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ibreakplates.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/green-sm.jpg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 200px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 200px;" /></a><br />
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The story is much as you probably remember it, even if you've never picked up a Bible. Cain is a farmer, and he offers God fruit. Abel is a shepherd, and he offers God fat portions of his sheep. God likes Abel's, but doesn't like Cain's. When Cain gets upset about this, God tells him that if he does well, he will be accepted, and if he does not do well, "sin is lurking at the door." Because apparently God doesn't like farmers. I really have never understood this. Cain gave what he had, and isn't that the theme of countless songs and sermons? And yet God tells him his offering is no good. No wonder Cain is miffed.<br />
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Of course, no matter how miffed one is, murder is not the answer. Cain taking Abel out to a field and killing him is a terrible thing. It is not <span style="font-style: italic;">Abel</span>'s fault that God is capricious and setting a double standard. God asks Cain where Abel is, and while I know I've been harping on God's utter lack of omniscience, this seems more like a rhetorical set-up question, so I'll give it a dubious pass. God is pissed that Cain killed his brother, so he punishes Cain to struggle with farming and to wander about the earth. Cain complains that this sucks, so God says that no one can kill Cain, and that's that. The interesting thing about this, something that has intrigued me since I was young, was that Cain is worried about wandering amongst other people. <span style="font-style: italic;">What other people</span>? Cain seems to be Adam and Eve's firstborn, and Adam and Eve are the only 2 people God created. So even presuming that Cain is 40 or so (he goes on to settle in Nod and raise a family, so he can't be too old), there is no way Eve has pumped out enough kids to populate entire lands of people! This can be somewhat danced around by the claim that apparently people in the ancient Bible lived to hundreds of years old (and then life expectancy took a major turn for the worse once we reach written history, and only in recent years with medical advances has started to extend again, which really gives no credence at all to the idea that human lifespans are established by God...but I digress), but "dancing around" at all indicates that it's probably not a literal account.<br />
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The rest of the chapter goes on to describe how Cain populates the earth with his wife. Incidentally, his wife must be his sister, unless it's niece (a niece who results of a brother/sister pairing), and there is no escaping that the Bible has wasted no time in establish incest as a-okay. And yet this slippery slope argument against gay marriage is used today by Christians!<br />
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In describing Cain's descendants and the beginnings of civilization, it is stated that Jubal is "the ancestory of all those who play the lyre and pipe" and other such ancestries. I find it highly unlikely that all musicians are musicians solely because they all descended from Jubal. This strikes me as a similar to a polytheistic tradition of establish a "god(dess) of music" but in this case, it is an "ancestor of music." Which leads me, yet again, to the conclusion that someone made this up.<br />
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Lamech then tells his wives (yes, plural, that's also totally okay in Biblical marriages, again, how do Christians get away with the slippery slope argument when it comes to marriage?) that he killed a man for hitting him. Apparently murder runs in the family, eh? We don't see God having anything to say about this, though. Lamech just says that if it was bad to kill Cain, it would be even worse to kill Lamech. This makes no sense. Really. None at all. It sounds like he gets off scotfree for this murder.<br />
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The chapter ends with the statement "At that time people began to invoke the name of the Lord." Weren't they already doing that? Weren't Adam and Eve chummy with God from the start? Even Cain was having one-on-one conversations with him. So why wouldn't they start to invoke his name until a new generation comes along?<br />
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Sense? Where is the sense???<br />
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Again, after a logical examination of this story, I must conclude it is nothing more than myth. We're not off to a terribly promising start, seeing as I haven't felt God's presence yet, which is supposed to be a nice side effect of reading this. On the plus side, I'm having loads of fun!<br />
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Cheers!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5383949777052736844.post-36794443905194653162010-01-12T17:39:00.000-08:002010-01-12T18:05:03.946-08:00Genesis 3Back for another rousing installment of "Days of Our Eden." Unfortunately, I have the feeling that this chapter will be the finale. How does it all play out for our lucky couple? Previously, on DoOE, when God looked through all the animals to find a helper for Adam, and ended up having to resort to creating a woman out of his rib. And of course admonished them with instant death should they eat of a certain tree...(that should all of course be read with a soothing voiceover tone!)<br /><br />We are immediately introduced to the infamous serpent. I find it interesting that the serpent is described only as "more crafty" than the other animals. His main crime, it would appear, is being smart. The serpent tries to tempt Eve, but she dutifully lists off what God taught her. The serpent, interestingly enough, seems to know what God told them already, which is more omniscience than we've seen out of God so far. The serpent lets Eve know that the tree won't kill them, it will only let them be able to tell good and evil apart.<br /><br />Now this is very interesting to me. In debating theists, I have often run up against the argument that good and evil are established by God in his omnipotence/omniscience. When examples are offered of some pretty terrible things God has done, the reply is almost invariably "We're just human, we cannot possibly judge actions as good or evil because it's beyond our capacity." But in this chapter, isn't it pretty clear that we actually <span style="font-style:italic;">do </span>have this capacity, because we traded the paradise of Eden to have it?<br /><br />So Adam and Eve eat the fruit. Yes, they both eat it. I have no idea why the Bible goes out of its way to show that the serpent was talking to Eve, because it says that "her husband...was with her." So basically Adam and Eve were hanging out together, the serpent comes over and talks to them, and it is <span style="font-style:italic;">Eve </span>who stands up for what God told them, but then she and Adam both hear the serpent out and end up eating from the tree. All the "women are more evil because Eve ate the apple first" is pretty clearly sexist bullshit that's hardly even contextually supported. At least not in this chapter.<br /><br />Also, if Adam and Eve didn't know the difference between good and evil before eating of the tree, how could they know it was evil to eat from the tree? They would know it was disobeying God, but how would they know disobedience is evil? So sin really is about disobeying God and not about doing something evil. Which is sad, I think.<br /><br />Next we cut to "the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze," which sounds awfully anthropomorphic compared to the usual arguments. God's just a guy out for a stroll in his garden. It's cute. God then proceeds to call out for Adam because he can't find him, then ask him who told him he was naked, and then ask him if he ate from the tree. Going back to the last chapter, there is not a shred of evidence that God is omniscient here. Unless he's staging an elaborate theatrics show, which seems illogical and unnecessary.<br /><br />God proceeds to issue his punishments. These are not the punishments he originally threatened. He takes the legs off the serpent, gives women childbearing pain, although a little hurt with a baby is no big deal compared to this nugget: "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." God created sexism as a punishment for eating the tree! Then he tells Adam he has to toil for his crops because he "listened to the voice of [his] wife." So not only does this cement the above sexism (listening to one's wife is bad), it also doesn't make sense with the way the story was told. He was right there too, it wasn't Eve's fault! If anything, he listened to the voice of the serpent.<br /><br />Which is another interesting thought. Why does the serpent have a voice? The other animals don't seem to be talking, but no one thinks it's odd that the serpent does. And nowhere does it mention the serpent is Satan. The serpent here is just someone too crafty for his own good, stirring up trouble in middle Eden. Very different from how this story is usually portrayed.<br /><br />Now that God has handed out his eternal punishments, he gives the couple some hide garments. And then he says something interesting. "'See, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever.'" It doesn't say who God says this to, but the "one of us" line really stands out, doesn't it? I've vaguely heard ideas that Yahweh began as just one god of many (all ancient religions pretty much are polytheistic), and then later developed into monotheism. That definitely seems to fit with this verse. God doesn't seem to have a monopoly on anything, and he's worried that Adam is going to be godlike. He isn't claiming that Adam needs to be omniscient or omnipotent to be like one of "them," only that he needs to know about good and evil and live forever.<br /><br />So Adam and Eve get the boot so that God doesn't feel threatened by them. He even leaves a cherubim to guard the entrance so that can't sneak back in. If this were a novel I'd just picked up, I'd be theorizing that God at some point was just a regular Joe who'd gone to Eden, eaten of the two trees, and then become godlike. And he wanted followers without them knowing the secret of what he'd done...so out they must go! It's very interesting, and the God that I feel like I'm coming to know in these first few chapters sounds nothing like the God I've been told about by countless Christians.<br /><br />Until next time!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0